great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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