dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
