Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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