If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
