my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
