HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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