Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
