You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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