i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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