I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
