end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
