OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize