Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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