GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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