Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
