party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
