R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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