I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
