It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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