What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
