I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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