I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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