I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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