no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
