There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
