Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
