He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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