Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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