He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
