You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
