If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
