You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
