Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
