You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
