Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
