speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
