you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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