The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
