I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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