My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
