literally had 100 drinks last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
