"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
