Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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