she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
