My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
