I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
