You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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