The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
