the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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