Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize