there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
