Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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