Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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