i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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