turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
