im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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