She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
