the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
