It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
