some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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