i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
