Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
