Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.

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(917): View more from New York City

i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

(516): View more from New York

was the water running?

(917): View more from New York City

yeah but he said he knows how to swim

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(970): View more from Colorado

Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.

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(216): View more from Ohio

When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job

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(585): View more from New York

Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window

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(320): View more from Minnesota

She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god

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(330): View more from Ohio

when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.

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