what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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