Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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