I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
