i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cut my penus on the lid.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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