She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
